Bretton Barbarians: Savaged Kingmaker

A welcome return to Olegs
Back at Olegs

We celebrated with the Kobolds due to our recent success with the ‘Priest’. I used the word ‘We’, however it’s safe to say that Maugoth celebrated enough for the rest of us.

He badgered me in the morning to ‘heal’ him of his ‘hangover’. I warned him that my spirit is not as it should be, but he insisted – and he was lucky. It worked, but he should be wise to listen to me.

We remained with the Kobolds another day. A day longer than I wished, for I wished to return back to Oleg’s and recover my own piety. I did noticed that the man whom we rescued from the Priests Ritual was being shunned. I spoke with Mikmek and then Maugoth. It would seem the Kobold fear he has the ‘Yellow Fever’, I myself couldn’t see any sign on this….

On the next morning, a ceremony was presented by the Chief. I was not expecting this. I was quietly praying, getting ready to cast speed or deflection in case we were attacked for bringing in some evil with us. I was very wrong. We were rewarded for what we had done, and Mikmek was given command of the new ‘Kings’ army. Our reward was entry into the clan, and a case of silver ore, plus bags of ‘random items’ that were recovered from the Blue Mites.

At last we headed back to Oleg’s. It would appear as if I’m finally getting used to riding a horse..I wouldn’t consider myself competent yet, far from it, but one day I shall sit as if the skills come naturally to me.

The site of the fort was such a welcome site. Gentle smoke could be seen from the kitchens, showing food was being prepared, and outside the gates a few tents of Traders were seen, they did show they’d seen better days.

A welcome return. It was great to see Oleg and Svetlana once again. So good. It felt like we were home after a terrible recent journey.

There was no time to rest though, a Trader had left with Jan to seek the Temple in the Woods, only to return unconcious on his horse. Doc and I treated his wounds, and I finally felt the power of Irori return through my prayers. We did the best we could hope and now his life is in the power of whichever God he follows. I shall say prayers for him.

A return to normality then ensued. Maugoth started drinking (again) and I spoke with a man who’s been sent to aid us in our overall quest. Ulaf was his name. The warm food at dinner helped, and I hope we go and find this Temple…

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From the Journal of Doctor Grimace Sawblade pt2

From the Journal of Doctor Grimace Sawblade

Oh gods, my head.

We followed the kobold Mikmek to his lair. It seems that the what remained of the group had promised to recover some horned idol for the great kobold warrior. He assured us that we would be welcome but I had my doubts.

Imprisoned outside the kobold warrens was one of these blue mites. The half-orc immediately stuck it with an arrow, before he managed to bloody his own nose with his bow. I patched the pathetic creature up (the mite, that is) and freed it, while Bob put himself between Maugoth and his target. I have no love for these blue devils, but I won’t torture or kill helpless prisoners.

After a lot of waffle we finally entered the tunnels of what was once Oaktop Silver Mine. Bob just avoided a pit trap, which the kobold claimed to have forgotten. But the orc and the quiet elf (is he an elf? acts like one) assured us that Mikmek is trustworthy, so on we went. But the kobold was nervous. Something was wrong. And suddenly there was panic and everyone was running down the tunnel like halflings after the last biscuit.

We came to the kobolds’ home chamber. The lizard chief Sootscale first smashed the idol that Mikmek presented him with and then ordered his lizardmen to attack us before finally marching off down a second chamber declaring war on some unseen enemy. I think our senses had long since deserted us, because off we followed and found ourselves in combat with a purple-scaled kobold shaman they called Tartuk, a crow familiar on his shoulder. Tartuk stood ready with a wicked knife to sacrifice his bound victim on a stone slab. Sootscale denounced him and his dark god, but no-one was listening any more.

The battle was short and bloody as they usually are. Maugoth charged into the middle of the cultists and thrust kobolds in every direction with his shield. John was quick into the action as well and dealt the priest a massive blow with his sword (this is the same man who killed the centipede). I too ran into battle, with Bob close behind, and the kobolds fell about us. The priest cast a yellow curse on us before trying to flee, but Mikmek ran after him and speared him to death. For all his irritating boasts, Mikmek might actually be a great warrior. The shaman’s crow flew from the tunnel, and I watched the elf aim, but not release his arrow…

And what of our other companion? The chief Sootscale ordered the cultists to surrender and they did. At which point the half-orc butchered two of them although I tried to stop him. The look in his eyes… The last time I saw that look was when Merle Orcbane, now legless, dragged himself after me, a fucking battleaxe between his teeth. There is more orc than man in Maugoth and I wonder whose side we are on.

I wonder about the reproduction of these kobolds. They seem to share characteristics of lizards, there is something of the dog about them, and also of dragons (as I have heard them described). I have read that they lay eggs, which would put them in the same family as the lizards. I wonder if Mikmek’s constant state of excitement could indicate that he is on heat? I once treated a sorry dwarf who had narrowly escaped an encounter with a male salamander. The creature had sprayed him with some foul smelling and sticky ichor. Bob is a good man, but his armpit, forever at nose-level, put me in mind of that salamander ejaculation and set these thoughts in motion.

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From the Journal of Doctor Grimace Sawblade

From the Journal of Doctor Grimace Sawblade

I left the town with two human guards, Bob and John. Can’t tell them apart, they all look the same to me. Met two of the group we have been sent to find on the road. One wounded. Patched him up. Sent them on their way. Given directions to where the others were.

We came to a miserable tree and found their horses. Glad to leave ours and get underground. One of the men spotted a gang of mites approaching and decided the best approach was to get down the hole. Maybe some dwarf in him?

Dirty tunnels. All strewn with broken furniture and roots hanging out the ceiling. We went east and found the lair of some enormous creature (no doubt the centipede we encountered later) and the disembowled remains of one of the group. Interesting to note the length of the human large intestine. Perhaps explains inability to hold their liquor.

Tunnel had been recently blocked so we returned to the entrance to explore a vertical chamber (and lucky for the group that another exit existed – you would expect a half-orc to know better). The men made good their descent – mine was [illegible – blotted by a wine stain].

We next encountered a deep chasm which the men swung across quite nimbly (perhaps the philosopher Dourwin has something when he argues that men are related to apes?) I was planning my route and steeling my nerves when we found the missing group and a large whiptailed centipede.

Their weapons made no effect on its carapace. I shouted the excellent advice of using fire against it, but seeing them [illegible – another splash of wine] had no choice but to swing across myself (which miraculously I did). However I didn’t have opportunity to try my saw against the monster because John (or was it Bob?) put fire in its face (at last) and the beast turned to flee. In that moment Bob (John?) found the gap in its armour and slayed it.

The group seemed in a miserable state. They were highly suspicious at first and forgot to thank us. I sewed up the half-orc first. Was ungentle with him and to his credit he took it well. Patched the elf next. As sour as you might expect from one of his race. Then there is a half-dragon who seems a happy moron.

Managed to negotiate the chasm again, back up the vertical tunnel and to face the blue menace above. Got a [illegible] half-orc arse as he tried to flee but managed to ram us both out. He continued to run away outside, but it might have been the influence of evil magic, so I hesitate to judge him too harshly. Again the Bobs did [illegible] work and I killed one of the mites.

It is [illegible – a large stain has bled a number of sentences] work. It will be interesting to observe these diverse races and the gods know they will be glad of a surgeon [illegible]. Very curious to see what the inside of an elf looks like.

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Bleeding out pole vault!

Garrrrrrr, We find uman, we find gash in rocks, blues things everywhere. Adroolin attacked on other side of gash, Maugoth jump over and sqaush some. Bigger blue thing rides spider to me and rams three headed spear into my lung. Desperate fight, we kill them all , but not good, we in bad way, many wounds, Adroolin looks bad. New uman seems odd. giant centascorpoin comes. We just fight it off with dead spider for food. Need to heal, feel I am close to Orc god now….not good,

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Far too much blue....

It didn’t start well and sadly it didn’t finish well, I feel we’re going to be lucky to get out of here. Coming into these Warrens even with the huge Maugoth with us wasn’t perhaps the wisest choice….

Still, it started when Davis (the new human, not too sure about him) was knocked unconcious by that Giant Centipede. He lasted long enough though for us (Maug, Mikmek and myself) to drag over that large spider creature and toss it into the chasm. The Centipede then thought that was a better feed and soon disappeared.

I use my healing to help Maug whilst Mikmek managed to bring Davis around. I used my final magic power and managed to heal Davis of all of his wounds. Still while Maug and myself were badly injured, we have Davis and Mikmek full prepared.

Onwards we left, heading what I’d guess was Northish, but it didn’t take long for us to come across another group of the these Blue Meanies.

A couple of arrows struck their targets as Davis fired bolts from a Crossbow with some accuracy. In the end we went into Hand to Hand fighting. There I was trying to improve my skills – being held back by the weight of the chainmail – I shall have to swap to my leather armour when we get back to Olegs.

The fight wasn’t that easy, they have some kind of magic than instills us with some kind of fear. I fear nothing normally but at one point had to run and hide in a corner. I couldn’t do that, it must have been magic.

There’s a look in Maug’s eyes though, it’s a sign of fear. He hates these Blue Meanies and I think he might go into a rage should we come upon them again.

We continued on after finishing off the group of 6 and came to a small passage. Davis went ahead and warned us something was ahead, so we all crouched and waited. After some waiting we looked to move on but Davis for some really daft reason decided to whistle.

Not too long after the Giant Centipede re-appeared. I thought it was going to attack us and fired an arrow, it bounced off and we got knocked over when the Centipede pushed past us and into the tunnel.

We could hear it fighting Davis and so with heavy hearts we decided to cave in the tunnel and trap the Centipede on the other side. I think we’ve left Davis to his death, I shall say a Prayer for him.

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Down a 'ole

Kern and Moody have gone off with their horse to get more supplies.
Adroolin and me decided not to be big wusses and went down the ‘ole . lots of blue midges, Maugoth smash( I didn’t start it they did) The scorpionpies came and got us, I smashed them and Adroolin shot em with is bow. We eard somebody yelling down another ole. I smashed a desk down there and Droolin shot em.
I jumped down and smashed 4 of the little F**kers , now I ave a uman to help.
I didn’t start it.

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No Arm done...

We started staring at the multi-coloured Pony and decided as a group to track our horses as we needed them.

Both Mikhail and Kern Duetzia tracked and we followed.

After a few hours of following we came upon what appeared to be the biggest tree I’d ever seen. It was huge even though we were a mile or so away.

Kern Duetzia was sent off, now sporting some stunning new colours (after he rolled around in the grass to remove the paint – and failed) towards the Tree to discover what had happened to our horses.

After what appeared to be quite a wait I noticed Kern jumping up and down. Even though I pointed this out to the others, they still couldn’t see the blue Gnome, so we decided to move towards him.

Noticing that we were tired after our journey on foot, we decided to drop equipment to relieve ourselves of any additional encumbrance. For myself this was my satchel and staff (my bow was broken and so my arrows/quiver were lost on my horse).

After meeting back up with Kern he told us that he’d seen nothing, even though he was covered in a bright yellow paint. Maugoth noticed a large hole at the base of the tree after Kern pointed it out to him. Maugoth then made his way over to the tree to enter the large hole, but we decided that our horses were more important and Maugoth could always return to let the Fairy folk have their reward.

Soon after we heard the barking of dogs and discovered our horses surrounded by a pack of wild dogs. Mikhail drew his Iron sword and made his way over to attack and protect the dogs, only to find he missed his footing and span around falling over into the middle of the pack…

Lucky for him, Kern decided to blow his dog whistle. The pack stopped barking and made Kern their new target. Both Maugoth and myself then started to kill off the dogs, but 6 dogs proved more than enough to get to Kern.

Poor Kern. Kern was ripped apart and after just a few seconds of fighting, was seen to have a limp arm from the biting. Between us we killed off the remaining dogs and I quickly looked over Kerns wounds.

I think tiredness affected me. I was unable to use normal healing to do anything as the wounds were far too bad and my magic proved uselss and I think his arm is now damaged permanently……

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BUGS! I Hate bugs!

Further exploration of the Gold cave exposed us to an attack by 3 beetles. Dispatched with ease by Adrolin ,Kern and Maugoth. As we made our way to the back of the cave complex we encountered a corpse covered in the dreaded Swarm! of small little nippy horrors. We beat a fast exit out of the cave ,they didn’t want to come into the sunlight and scuttled back into the cave. However we have now discovered that 3 horses are missing and kerns pony is standing covered in paint of various colours , with no saddle or equipment. There’s also a strange sweet smell in the air…..ARSE!

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Crispy BBQ
Hot! Hot! Hot!

Further examination of the cave shows that the walls are lined with flaked gold. A bit deeper into the cave we find some more beetles that glow red. They also explode into flaming balls of liquid when killed. Maugoth becomes a flaming orc for a short time, but his iron constitution and thick skin saves him ( although he now smells of singed pork) .His armour and shield have been damaged. We still need to finish looking around the cave complex, but our limited light source is a problem. The group retires to cool down and sort themselves out.

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Look out! BATS!

We left our camp and continued to map and search the map location where we previously had found those Dragon Folk.

We spent a day and a half and found clearings with what appeared ‘small holes’ that had been dug. It took a few camps before I noticed these appeared to be the remains of the planting (and thus harvesting) of those special fruit the Dragon Folk had, the large white spherical fruit.

Next we moved into the area of land where the Bandit Camp was located. The river stopped us from crossing further into this region so we followed it south towards the edge of the forest.

A decision was then made to not cross the river but search outside of the forest, the area that we had marked down as ‘Bat Cave’.

The ‘Bat Cave’ was soon located and Maugoth lead the way inwards. He decided to clear the bats from the cave by banging his axe on his shield and shouting….

After that I healed myself and Kern but couldn’t heal Mikhail. It was lucky Maugoth wasn’t injured as I wouldn’t have healed him, such a foolish thing to do.

Into the cave we ventured and soon we were set upon by a Giant Beetle.. Maugoth cut its head in half with a single swipe of his axe. It’s almost as if he’s finally mastered the use of this axe.

Onwards we continued and soon came upon more beetles. This time blue in colour and a lot smaller than the Giant Beetle but still large enough to injure us. After a brief fight three died, one cut in half by the axe of Maugoth, the other two died from single arrow wounds, fired from my bow.

What shall we find further in? Or should we return as we’re down to less than one hours lantern time…

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